Ancient Mystical Curse Exposed!

 I have had a few things that have been been tugging at the ol’d brain as of late. Numero uno being I think that Japan has an ancient spell placed on it. This spell makes everything super small and even convinces people that this size is normal and everything else is super big!

Yes, initially I sound crazy and maybe slightly paranoid but hear me out. Lets approach this from a logical standpoint. First we must get away from the idea that “ancient spell possession of an entire country” does not exist.

Historical reenactment of super evil spirit placing mystical ancient curse on Japan

…Now that we eliminated that major misconception we can move forward…

There are things here that are small against all logic. Take the towel for example. Why is the only towel used here the hand towel? I use three towels every morning to dry off. Why is the basket on the front of my bike so small?

 

 Stick with me here. Let’s discuss the case of the milk carton! Now, in America we have the small carton but we also have the big carton. But in Japan there is no “big carton”.  

Why is there no big carton?

For a big milk carton we need a big shopping cart.

Here they don’t have shopping carts. Of course, they call them shopping carts (deception due to ancient mystical spell!). But they are not shopping carts! These are small baskets with wheels! Its great if I want to get an apple and a spoon. But what if I want more? So I get my little milk and place it in my in my little basket/cart/possessed food carrying item. 

Why not increase the size of the shopping cart?

Well, if we increase the size of the shopping cart we need to place all of that food somewhere… A.K.A a car. But in Japan all cars are small (Why? Ancient mystical spell possession!). So the size of the cars must increase…

Why don’t they increase the size of the cars?

Well, if we have big cars then they need to be able to get places. Why can’t a big car get somewhere in Japan? Because the roads are so small that a healthy well fed American could not fit on them!

Why can’t we increase the size of all the roads?

Because the roads are placed right next to houses and apartments. The roads take up all the physical space they can.  

Why can’t we make the houses smaller so we can enlarge the roads?

Do you see what is happening??? It is a vicious cycle! The only way to make things bigger in Japan… is to make things smaller!

Now you see where I am coming from! This place is possessed by a powerful spell that makes everything super small and the only way to increase the size of things is… to make things smaller!!!!

This is just the beginning. You know those super little cute sodas that are total rip-offs but cute to get every once in a while… That is the size here… Not the small or large… It’s the size.

The shrinking of size is so contagious in Japan that even I have begun the process of shrinking. I have lost 8 pounds since I came here. Half the clothes I brought sags off of me. I don’t think it has anything to do with anything except that Japan clearly has some magical force that shrinks anything and everything that comes in contact with it!

This spell is so powerful that the culture doesn’t even buy into the universally accepted “bigger is better” philosophy. Prove it! Okay! I have been to 2 separate restaurants where there is a small, medium, and large portion and guess what… They are ALL THE SAME PRICE! What? Yup! I see that and I’m like “give me the big one.” But I look around the restaurants and people are ordering the small one… It’s like size doesn’t matter.

Picture taken in Tokyo, Japan

Of course, one could make the argument that the Japanese life expectancy is way higher than American life expectancy and in fact everything in America is super huge and they got it right in Japan… but I think that has more to do with racism against Americans than anything logical…